you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
