Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
