I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
