just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
