i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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