She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
