I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
