We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
