Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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