a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
