You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
