I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
