The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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