Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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