Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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