I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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