I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
