Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
