I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
