he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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