doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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