I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
