I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
