Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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