I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
