My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
