peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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