i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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