I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
