That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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