i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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