Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
