I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
