you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I understand Curling. That high.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
