why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
whose parrot is this?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
