She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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