There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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