can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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