bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
