Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
