oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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