It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
