Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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