Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
