it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
