lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
