i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
