Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
