Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
