There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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