I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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