WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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