Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
