Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
