Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
