We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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