You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
