Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
