I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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