what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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