Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
