I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
