you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
