Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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