Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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