i just google imaged poop.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
time to smoke my breakfast
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
