I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
