At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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