margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
