Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
