and she was petting her beer can
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
