The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize