I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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