we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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