when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
