Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
