whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
